Today I feel like the Venus de Milo.
A bit of background, the Venus de Milo is an Ancient Greek sculpture that has had its arms broken off since the moment of its discovery. It’s widely accepted that the sculpture is of Aphrodite though there’s no way of knowing for absolute certainty.
When I was around 21, something happened to my wrists that I never got an explanation for. Doctors eventually declared ‘deep bruising’ since x-rays didn’t show anything and I was too broke to see a neurologist, but for about six weeks I was unable to lift either arm because of excruciating pain. I literally cried every time someone had to help me get my shirt on or off. I wore braces 24/7 and while they were comfortable, the palms of my hand were blistered and rubbed raw from them. I was losing feeling in my fingers because I had to keep the braces so tight just to stop the the throbbing pain.
It went away, but my wrists have never been the same.
Sure, I can lift my wrists and move them just fine most of the time now. However, some days, like today, I can barely function because my body hurts so badly.
Today it started with pain in my neck and back that gave me a headache. I took some Excedrin (neck pain always leads to migraine for me) and then my left knee started throbbing. This is bad, but I made it to my truck to get to work. By the time I got to work, my right knee had started stiffening up and will soon be making me limp. As soon as I sat down, phantom aches started in my right wrist and now as I’m writing this, my right collarbone is beginning to hurt, as is my right elbow, which will eventually leave me unable to use my right wrist. Also my hands are shaking so badly that it’s hard for me to drink my hot tea.
The fact of the matter is that I’m scared.
This is actually a really normal day for me. I’m 23 years old and I’m already suffering from pain like this. By the time I’m 30, I’ll probably be basically immobile.
So yeah, I feel like a sculpture that’s missing its arms. I might as well be missing my arms today.
But what really matters to me is that I still have value. I’m kind of messed up and I’m on the verge of tears because I hurt so badly, but I am still a piece of art.
I may no longer be what I started as, but I am still worthy of the Louvre.
(For inspo please see Lorde’s new song ‘The Louvre’.)
Growing Up Clueless 